With a blurred view and a tender touch, all I yearned for was to heal quickly and rise strong as I was a day before. My heart was overflowing with gratitude and love. Thoughts of forgiveness and letting go raced through my mind, mixed with sudden tears of joy, sorrow, fear, and nervousness. My deepest desire was to create a beautiful, healthy, and protective world for my two little tiger cubs.
Criticism and judgmental comments rained down on me, as though I hadn't just undergone major surgery but rather returned from a carefree vacation abroad. That night signified the beginning of a new chapter, a life unfolding in ways I had never dreamed possible. A torrent of mixed emotions surged through me, yet I swiftly regained my footing, balancing nourishment, managing responsibilities, and handling duties in a seamless flow.
My sole focus and goal were my twin daughters, determined not to be swept away by the surrounding turmoil. Our choices and preferences aren't just characteristics; they define our personality and unique traits that set us apart from others. Connecting all the dots from my past to shape my current life and future family feels surreal. Understanding the nature and purpose of life reveals a truth that is both bitter and sweet. Now I understand why I loved the school poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost so much. Every aspect of the poem feels perfectly explained to me now.
Giving birth, I found myself transformed, like a newborn discovering the world anew. Day by day and through baby steps, I learned the profound lessons of humanity and the importance of family, much like a newborn follows the guidance of parents and elders. The struggle and pain were undeniably real. Each morning, crying like a baby in front of my elder sister secretly in a room while she was dressing my stitches seemed like the only option to gather the strength needed to survive the day.
Comparing day by day and month by month with other parents who didn't realize I was new to this journey was painful. Instead of support, I faced hurtful societal and egoistic conflicts. Fortunately, I rely on my own discernment to differentiate between those who offer valuable insights and those who do not. It's a challenging situation as I often have to deal with their foolish behavior, simply because I'm surrounded by them. Even with the support of loved ones helping me through, I was and am ultimately the one who must fight and survive.
The innocence and presence of my cubs shielded me from negativity, reminding me of my strength as their warrior mother. I've also learned to love and nurture my first home—my body—helping it heal and recover at its own pace. In reality, post-birth, the body is adorned with many beautiful marks of motherhood like stretch marks, loose skin, joints, and back pain.
Your birthing story is uniquely yours, understood by you in a way that no one else, not even your closest loved ones, can fully comprehend. Embrace, honor, and celebrate your body's incredible ability in recognizing the sacredness of your body to bring new life into existence, honoring its strength and resilience. Simultaneously celebrating every milestone of growth with my twin cubs made my first year of birthing feel flawless and deeply grateful.
People and societal expectations, often masked, can impose many traits and pressures. It's crucial to choose your environment wisely, as it can impact not just you but also your children. Monitoring my recovery month by month felt like assessing my health in a continuous examination. Realizing that no matter how much effort or care you give, the body heals and recovers according to its own pace and needs. That's the essence of how both nature and humans function.
As nearly a year has passed, I am incredibly grateful to my body, spouse, family, and friends for their unwavering support that has brought me to where I am today. Their love, encouragement, and understanding have been instrumental in my journey, and I cannot express enough gratitude for their presence in my life.
Reflecting on the challenges I face now, every small thing that used to upset or anger me seems trivial compared to the intensity of giving birth and dealing with stitches. It's a powerful reminder of the resilience I discovered during those moments and puts current issues into perspective. In hindsight, it's amazing to see how every seemingly random dot in our past connects when we embark on creating our own family and forging our path in life.
My priorities have completely shifted to the essentials: food, shelter, clothing, and family. This marks the beginning of a new chapter in life centered around simplicity, focusing on basic needs, and striving for a healthy and happy existence. Motherhood has truly given me a new lease on life. I embrace this transformation wholeheartedly, cherishing every moment and practicing gratitude for the privilege of what I have today. It's a journey filled with profound meaning and joy, and I am grateful for every opportunity it brings.
Accepting the roles of our loved ones in each phase of life holds a profound truth, resonating with the essence of Sudha Murthy's book title, "Attachment with Detachment." It beautifully encapsulates the idea of loving deeply while also letting go when necessary, navigating life's transitions with grace and understanding.
Your powerful instincts and gut feelings hold the answers to all your confusions, questions, and prayers. Trust in them, for they are the guiding light within you.
'नास्ति मातृसमा छाया, नास्ति मातृसमा गतिः। नास्ति मातृसमं त्राण, नास्ति मातृसमा प्रिया।।
nāsti mātṛsamaṃ trāṇaṃ nāsti mātṛsamā prapā॥
Hindi Translation: माता के समान कोई छाया नहीं, कोई आश्रय नहीं, कोई सुरक्षा नहीं। माता के समान इस विश्व में कोई जीवनदाता नहीं॥
English translation: There is no shade like a mother, no resort-like a mother, no security like a mother, no other ever-giving fountain of life.
Your unwavering support and love have been the cornerstone of my journey. I am immensely grateful for your presence in my life, guiding me with your wisdom and kindness. Thank you for being my pillars of strength.
- My Mother
- Jaanu (Tigers ke Papa)
- Siblings
- Dharm Bhai Surya
- Dr. Madhuri (gynaecologist)
- Dr. Sheila Tanwade (gynaecologist)
- Guddi (Swetha Ganesh)
- Shaboo Rani (Shabnam Irfan)
- Amy (Amrita Thomas)
- Smicha (Smita Suraj)
- Vincy (Vauhini)
- Soumya Kiran
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